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Women's Article

How Can I be Godly and Sensuous?
By Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus
Intimate Issues

Most Christian women believe that God created them to be sexual and that He fashioned their body to fit with their husband’s body in a wondrous way. But even knowing God’s perspective, they can’t give themselves permission to be sensuous. Perhaps one reason is because they view the word sensuous in a negative way.

Webster defines sensuous as “pertaining to the senses; appealing to the senses, alive to the pleasure to be received through the senses.” Sensuous is a positive term. Sensual, on the other hand, is most often used in the negative, referring to an unrestrained sexual appetite, which is always wrong and ungodly (Galatians 5:19). Throughout this article sensuous will be used as a positive term—to be “alive to the pleasure, to be received through the senses” with your husband. This is exactly what God wants for us.

We’ve asked many women: “Do you give yourselves permission to be a sensuous wife?” Their responses varied. Some women who married later in life have spent so many years “damming up” their sexual passions in an attempt to remain pure that they find it difficult suddenly to open the floodgates and allow sexual feelings to flow. Others are unable to forgive themselves for past sexual sin and feel part of their penance must be never to enjoy sex “too much.” But the most common reason is that the world has so drastically perverted God’s gift of sex that many women feel they have to disassociate themselves from anything erotic or sensuous in order to be godly.

God beckons us and says, “Be clothed with my perspective.” 1 Timothy 4:4-5 tells us, “For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected, if it is received with gratitude; for it is sanctified by means of the word of God and prayer”. Did you hear what God declares? Everything is good and nothing is to be rejected if we receive it with thanksgiving. The word everything includes sexuality!

William Newell in his commentary on Romans says that everything includes our minds, our spirits, and our bodies. All of life—what we look like, our gifts, talents, faith, possessions, husband, children, jobs, and our sexuality—all come from God alone and all is for His glory.

Many women have thanked God that He knit them together in their mother’s wombs, that He made them fearfully and wonderfully (Psalm 139:13-14). They can continue to say with David, “Wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well” (Psalm 139:14). But they fail to acknowledge that their sexuality is part of their physical makeup. Have you ever thanked God that when He knit your physical makeup together, part of His beautiful embroidery was your sexuality?

Our sexuality and spirituality are not separate and divided, as are the top and bottom floors in a two-story house. Rather, they form a circle, whole and unbroken. Vonette Bright beautifully describes the circle of our spirituality and sexuality: “It is as important to be filled with the Spirit in bed with your husband, ministering to him, as it is for you to be filled with the Spirit when you are teaching the Bible or ministering.”

Perhaps the most powerful illustration of the union of the sexual and the spiritual is found in the Song of Solomon. In these verses God paints an astounding picture. Solomon and Shulamith are engaged in steamy, sensuous lovemaking. Suddenly, a third Person appears in the room: God. Tenderly, the Almighty Creator gazes upon the naked lovers engaged in physical pleasures and extends His hand in spiritual blessing: “Eat, friends; drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers” (Song of Solomon 5:1).

Imagine! God is there. He sees the passion. He hears the sighs of delight. He watches the lovers as they caress one another in the most intimate places. He is witness to fleshly, earthy sights, sounds, and smells. He sees it all and then urges the lovers to feast, to drink abundantly of the exquisite pleasures He created for them to enjoy.

God desires for us to rejoice in our sensuousness, to give in to it. He wants us to hold nothing back, to open the floodgates of physical passion and immerse ourselves in it. “Drink and imbibe deeply,” He urges.

Perhaps you are thinking, I can give myself permission to go deeper in my sexuality because I see now that this is part of who God created me to be. But I’m not sure how this translates practically. What do I do? How should I act? What does a godly, sensuous woman look like?

Graciously, God provides answers in His Word.

In Scripture God holds up examples for us to follow as we seek to display His character and be conformed to His image. If, for example, we desire to grow in the attribute of loyalty, we might want to look at Ruth. If we seek to forgive others, Joseph shows us the way. If, however, we desire to grow in our sensuousness as wives, we can study and emulate Solomon’s bride, Shulamith.

Turn with us again to the Song of Solomon, a beautiful book that describes the courtship, wedding, and early years of King Solomon’s marriage to Shulamith. It is written in a poetic style called lyric idyll and contains a series of fifteen reflections by Shulamith. It unfolds like a movie with several flashbacks, the story being temporarily suspended while the audience views a scene from the past. This explains the lack of chronological sequence in the Song. It also explains why many couples who read this book find it confusing! But the nuggets of gold hidden in this book are worth digging for. Let’s look at the portrait of Shulamith as a godly and sensuous woman.

She is responsive. Shulamith whispers longingly in Solomon’s ear: “Make my garden breathe out fragrance, let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits!” (4:16).

She is adventurous. At times Shulamith receives sexual pleasure from her husband. Other times she is the initiator, aggressively stimulating her lover through intoxicating fragrances, seductive sights, and the promise of sexual ecstasy. This clever wife titillates her husband by suggesting they take a vacation together in the country and make love outdoors. There among the vineyards, she will offer him old sexual delicacies and new sexual delights (7:11-13).

She is uninhibited. Shulamith tells her husband where to touch her so she will become sexually aroused (2:6, 4:16). She tantalizes him with sexual treats that make his mouth water, enticing him with her body.

She is expressive. Shulamith is verbally expressive: “My beloved is mine and I am his” (2:16). She expresses praise for her husband’s masculinity: “How handsome you are, my beloved” (1:16). “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men” (2:3).

She is sensuous. A sensuous woman is tuned in to her body and the stimulation she receives through her five senses. She delights in her senses. In Song of Solomon 5:10-16, Shulamith gives in to her sexuality and thinks about her husband in very sensuous terms. She dwells on his sensuous lips, his muscular shoulders, and strong legs and ends her daydreaming by saying: “His mouth is full of sweetness. And he is wholly desirable” (5:16). Shulamith’s thoughts prepared her to act out her sensuousness with her husband.

No doubt about it, Shulamith was a sensuous, sexual woman—and God describes her sensuousness in explicit terms. God wants us to understand the beauty and freedom of our sexuality. Through the young bride Shulamith, God unveils the portrait of a godly, sensuous wife and, because His blessing is upon her, we can follow her example with confidence.

If you are thinking, I could never be like that, don’t be discouraged. God does not expect us to become sensuous saints over night. He asks instead that we go forward in becoming the lovers He created us to be. Christian women should be the greatest lovers on earth because, as believers, we not only possess physical passion; we have the ability to infuse holiness into our sensuousness.

Article extracted from the book Intimate Issues. Copyright 1999 by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus. Used by permission of WaterBrook Press, Colorado Springs, CO. All rights reserved. You can also listen to Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus talk about intimate issues on FamilyLife Today September 22-26.

Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus are authors and popular speakers at women’s conferences nationwide. Linda has written several books, including A Mother’s Journey, Calm My Anxious Heart, and the best-selling Creative Counterpart. Linda is the mother of four grown children and grandmother of two. She and her husband, Jody, lived overseas for 17 years and now make their home in Monument, Colorado. Lorraine, along with her husband, Peter, leads Hearts at Home Ministries, an organization dedicated to building Christ centered marriages and family relationships. She is the author of Diapers, Pacifiers and Other Holy Things, a humorous and insightful devotional book for mothers of young children. She and Peter have two children.