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Women's Article

Forever Friends
by Tonya Ruiz

Michael W. Smith’s signature song “Friends,” is sure to bring a tear to the eye of anyone who has ever had a friend move away. He sings that “Friends are friends forever,” and it touches us because if we don’t have a “forever friend,” we certainly have always wanted one.

As a little girl I loved playing dolls and having tea parties with my friends. In grade school it was so vitally important to have a “best friend.” When I was a Brownie, my troop sang, “Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver, and the other is gold.”

I grew up watching women on television portraying close friends. I laughed at the antics of Laverne and Shirley and wished I had an Ethel to help me out of my “Lucy” style situations. Even Wilma Flintstone had Betty Rubble living next door and sharing adventures in Bedrock.

In years gone by, women had more time for friendship. Ladies sipped cool lemonade on warm front porches, chatted at quilting circles, and commiserated while doing chores together. Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t want to start canning my own vegetables; but it is a shame that in today’s crowded world of almost seven billion individuals, most people don’t have “forever friends.” I’ll admit, it would be easier to pull into the garage and shut the door behind me than to reach out. On my street, there are women of various nationalities and religions and the Lord has opened many doors over the years to share cookies, tea and even my faith. Some accepted the cookies and my friendship, and some accepted the Lord.

In the book of Samuel I read that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David. Since I am domestically challenged and not related to Martha Stewart, I find anything crafty very difficult. Once I did attempt to knit a scarf. It was 3 inches wide, twenty feet long, and had holes everywhere; but I understood the basic idea. My Grandma Munson made at least 300 multicolored Afghans, and they are practically indestructible. She spent hundreds of hours knitting the yarn tightly together so that it wouldn’t come unraveled. Friendships are formed when you get close to another person, spending hundreds of hours building a relationship that is durable, stable and lasting.

I am married to my best friend Ron, but he’ll even admit that he doesn’t understand me. I talk a lot and he doesn’t. Studies have proven that women speak more words in a day than men. My husband is very sweet, he listens to me and he usually responds with “Ah-huh” about every 10 seconds. I was telling him a story one evening and he started walking away before I was finished. “Wait,” I told him, “I haven’t used all my words yet.” If I go out, upon returning he will ask, “Did you have a good time?” or maybe “Did everything go okay?” That’s all he wants to know! He’s like Joe Friday from Dragnet, “Just the facts, ma’am, just the facts.” Any of my girlfriends would ask questions like, “How was it? What did you wear? Was everyone dressed up? Was anyone there that you knew? Did you talk to anyone? What did they say? How did you feel?” We could spend 20 minutes reliving the same event that took Ron and me 15 seconds to discuss. He’s thankful that I have other friends to use up my words with.

The song says, “You gotta have friends.” You do need friends, and as Christian women, we already have a common bond. Just as certain flowers grow better in groups and sheep thrive in a flock, we need friends. Getting involved in a ministry is a great way to make friends. My friend, Nancy, and I met because she wanted to get involved at church and offered to help out in the drama ministry. We soon discovered that we both love comedy, writing and leopard clothing. C.S. Lewis said, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What! You, too? I thought I was the only one.”

My husband doesn’t like to see a movie unless it is full of suspense, war, sharks and aliens. Machine guns are a definite bonus. Gina (my next-door neighbor), and I love to see “chick flicks.” If it wasn’t for Gina, I would probably walk around quoting Arnold Schwarzenegger’s ubiquitous, “I’ll be back.”

With Lisa, I reminisce about the past. We always attend our school reunions together. Lisa is my only friend who remembers my 6th grade birthday party and knows my junior high school song. Lisa knows everything about me, and she loves me anyway. I read somewhere that, “Old friends are like quilts, they never lose their warmth.”

My friends keep me accountable. For instance, if Harrison Ford ever asked me out for coffee, my friends would remind me that I’m married and couldn’t go. If that didn’t work, they would tie me up until I came to my senses. Good friends encourage you to make wise decisions, grow closer to the Lord, be involved in church and read your Bible. They know where you are in your life and where you should be.

In Titus we read that the “older women” are to teach the younger women, they are to be a role model and example to them. Over the years, I have looked up to many women who have shared their wisdom with me about spiritual concerns and everyday practical matters such as dating, marriage, potty training, understanding men, PMS and Post-Partum Depression; and now they are cluing me in about hot flashes and menopause. The years have passed and I am becoming an “older woman” hoping to be used to make a difference in the lives of younger women.

The Bible says that to have friends, you must be friendly. Ron and I met Robert and Connie many years ago at a couple’s retreat when we sat together for a meal. Connie and I couldn’t get very close to the table because we were too big; we were both expecting our first babies. Soon after we met, they invited us over for dinner and we’ve been friends ever since. Connie has always had the gift of hospitality. Even when she had a tiny apartment, an even smaller budget, and was extremely shy; she always welcomed company. Abraham Lincoln was right when he said, “The better part of one's life consists of his friendships.”

Friends are there for each other. In Ecclesiastes, Solomon wrote that two are better than one because if one falls down, his companion will lift him up. It would be sad to fall and not have a friend beside you to pick you up. The Old Testament tells of Job, a man who lost his livestock, servants and children. He also endured great physical suffering. When his three friends heard of all the adversity that had come upon Job, they mourned with him and comforted him. They wept with him and sat with him. For seven days and seven nights they didn’t even speak because they saw that his grief was very great. They were there for him because they were his friends. Last year, my mother had a number of strokes and eventually died. Words cannot express how thankful I am for the friends that wept with me and sat with me in silence.

In John 15:13 we read about the ultimate Friendship. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends.” Jesus did just that when He died on the cross. He laid down His life and established that He is indeed our “forever friend.”

Tonya Ruiz Tonya and her husband reside in Southern California with their four children. She is an author, actress, and speaker.

Visit Tonya on the web at www.tonyasquest.com